Life & Style Blog
How to - celebrate Australia Day while retaining your last shreds of dignity
26 January 2012
Now, I know we're all looking forward to Australia Day – heaven knows, it's probably the only public holiday where heavy drinking and sun exposure are written into the constitution, but it's also a holiday dented with potential pitfalls around which you must tread carefully. This year, I've seen more stalls filled with cheaply Chinese-made miscellany emblazoned with The Flag than ever before, and it's all too easy to let the Australia Day spirit take you to an ugly place (and I don't mean Perth's annual riverside glassings).
Yes, accidentally looking like an intolerant nationalist bogan is a real issue faced by innocent civilians Australia-wide on January 26. Our Australian flag, ordinarily a pretty snazzy looking fellow, is dragged each year through the mud by over-enthusiasm and beer – leaving both you and the flag worse off. Luckily, I'm here to guide you through minefields that begin as a temporary flag tattoo on your face, and end with you shivering in the shower at 6am attempting to remove permanent marker-ed "oi oi oi" from your arms lest any of your students see it. With green naturally being the safest and red the closest to becoming an honorary member of Toadfish Rebecchi's clan, here's a handy guide for when the Australian Flag goes too far. Remember, no means no. We're all in this together.
Threat level: Australia Day - the Flag
Hanging in your yard from a flag pole
Draped around for decoration
Used as a kicky toothpick topper to spear 70s cocktail food
On beach towels, tablecloths, stubby holders
Colours zinc-ed in stripes onto your face
Entire flag including southern cross zinc-ed onto face
As a sarong
On the base of double pluggers
On a t-shirt
Temporary tattoos (1-3 applications)
Temporary tattoos (4+ applications)
On a t-shirt with accompanying "oi oi oi" style text
Bizarrely printed on a sombrero
On bikinis
Sewn into a strapless dress
Novelty car flags
Novelty car flags (Jan 28 onwards)
Late night drunken lower-back tattoo turning temporary to permanent
On a t-shirt that encourages anyone to "love or leave" the country
Tied to the back of a sweaty, shirtless man screaming the lyrics to Khe Sanh without backing music
What do you think? Comment below
Tags: Fashion, Trends