Life & Style Blog
Festival fashion: what not to wear
13 January 2012
Sure, Kanye West may have abandoned us for the east coast and The Fleet Foxes have already been and gone; but the sun is still out, you live in Australia and therefore – music festival season must go on, as must the often terrifying festival attire.
Back when I first went to The Big Day Out and Dinosaur Jr roamed the earth, everyone just wore old band tees and cons and tried not to get trampled. Since then, I've watched festivals transition to some sort of sub-fashion week where everyone wears fake tan instead of Lanvin.
Anyway, I've been to more than my fair share of festivals: and while I'm all about excuses to shop, I'd like you to wield your new excuse-powers well – here's a handy checklist from a lifetime of festival experience:
+ If I can see your butt cheeks, those aren't shorts
Seriously, I was out sourcing not too long ago when I came across a high waisted pair of patterned cotton briefs that actually said "shorts" in quotation marks. Like the designer knew they were actually convincing people to wear knickers and couldn't quite bring themselves to lie.
+ Midriff tees are for gym-obsessives and a 1999 era Britney
I hate to say it, but these are for genetic freaks only. Exposed, untoned, post christmas belly-button only works if your stomach could double as an ironing board.
+Everyone gave up fairy wings when rave music stopped being a thing
I can't believe youths are giving them another airing - they get in the way, y'all. Also, don't those fur leggings get really hot?
+Silk? What, are you kidding me?
If you plan to actually enjoy the bands, that dry-clean only top is going to get moshed to death.
+Orange isn't a natural skin tone unless your dad is an Oompa Loompa
A simple test: take your smartphone, and snap a photo of your leg next to an orange. If they look like cousins, start exfoliating.
+Heels?
Come on.
What do you think? Comment below
Tags: Fashion